Hes Stupid and Nobody Will Ever Play With Him Again? Not Cool

No parent wants to hear their child say, "I'm dumb" or "I'm stupid," or fifty-fifty worse, "No one loves me." Rather than panicking or minimizing their feel, use these tips to respond to your child's negative self-talk.

"I'g so dumb," your child mumbles at the kitchen table. He bangs his fist on the table and growls.

He's working on a writing assignment. Writing does non come like shooting fish in a barrel. Eraser smudges fill his page showing that he was non happy with his previous attempts.

"You're not dumb, honey," you say soothingly.

He crumples the paper and yells back, "Yep I am! I'grand so stupid! I'm the worst!"

You hang your caput in your easily.

Is he just being dramatic? Does he actually remember he's dumb?

How to respond to negative cocky-talk.

When negative self-talk spews from your child's mouth, your knee-jerk reaction is to terminate it. To give your child some reassurance or to convince them that their thinking is flawed.

Unfortunately, their words may friction match their feelings. They exercise not feel "loveable" or "wonderful" (as you may suggest), they feel "dumb," "stupid," and "similar the worst kid in the globe."

Instead of moving in to fix information technology, endeavour these ideas to address the underlying feeling and their internal struggle.

• Empathize:Put yourself in their shoes and effort to understand what they may be feeling. "That writing assignment's pretty challenging, eh?" or "Wow, sounds like y'all're feeling frustrated!" If you tin can't think of what to say, try a simple response  like, "That'south tough" or "Demand a hug?"

• Get curious: Some kids have a hard time verbalizing the problem. When yous first to explore the situation together, they may exist able to sympathize what'southward really bugging them. "I wonder why this assignment is tripping yous up today." or "Is information technology all writing assignments or this one in particular?"

• Rewrite the script:Once yous've explored, you can work together to create some new phrases to attempt. Instead of "Writing is hard. I'1000 stupid," your kid could say, "I'1000 working hard on writing" or "Making mistakes is role of learning." Or even, "Mom, I'm so frustrated with this assignment."

• Trouble-solve together:Resist the urge to suggest a  solution to the problem or lead them to an reply that seems right to you lot. Piece of work as a team. Sometimes, there is no piece of cake solution or quick set up because the answer is, "I have to continue practicing" or "I am working toward the goal."

• Challenge thoughts and feelings:Feelings come and go, they do not define you lot. Your kid may Feel unloveable, but feeling something doesn't mean information technology's truthful. Someone can struggle and non be stupid. Talk about times when your child has overcome something hard and felt confident or excited.

Keep your conversations brief, don't tackle all of this at once.

You're eager to help your child, but information technology'due south not always like shooting fish in a barrel to accept positive, reassuring comments if you've been in a negative-thinking frame of heed.  Expect some resistance at first. Especially if your child is non used to seeing things in a different lite.

What else can yous do?

Create an environment of support, encouragement and teach frustration tolerance using these tips.

• Give Choices: Allow your child have the choice to make choices throughout the day, picking their outfit, afternoon snack, or where to do their homework. Requite positive feedback for good choices and watch your criticism! If you give them a selection, keep your negative opinions to yourself.

• Embrace Imperfection:Everyone makes mistakes – even y'all! Practice using light-hearted responses to mistakes, "Oops! The milk spilled! Let's wipe it upward!" Model healthy means to handle frustration, apologize after yelling, or admit your part in a misunderstanding.

• Focus on the Good:Instead of nit-picking or constantly focusing on things that demand to be changed, fixed or cleaned, learn to let go. Building or repairing relationship may be more important than a tidy bedroom. Attempt to give 5 positive statements to every one negative argument.

• Encourage Independence: Kids need parents to assist them brand good decisions or stay focused, simply sometimes abiding management sends the message: "You can't exercise it on your own." Brainstorm or problem-solve together, inquire your kid's opinion or take him offer a solution.

• Value Perseverance:Focus on the petty steps that pb to success, overcoming an obstruction, or moving closer to a goal. Phrases such as, "You're working really hard on that…" or "That took a lot of try!" help your child see the do good in the process rather than the prize at the end.

• Teach Coping Skills: Expose your child to a variety of coping and calming skills, work on deep breathing and create positive, helpful mantras. Practice these skills often so your child is prepared and knows how to handle frustrating situations and discouraging thoughts.

• Seek support:If you have been working with your child for a while and notwithstanding hear them struggling with negative self-talk, or if they threaten to harm themselves or others, it may be time to seek assist from a local mental health provider. (If your kid is suicidal, please go help immediately)

Looking up from your hands, y'all meet your kid's eyes.

"This is a frustrating assignment."

"Yeah." He replies.

"How tin can I assist?" you ask.

Shrugging, he replies, "yous could do it for me."

You lot both express joy.

It doesn't change the assignment, simply at least you can talk about it without hearing the give-and-take "dumb."

For more suggestions, Check out Katie Hurley's post, "How to Help Your Negative Thinker."

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Need More than Support?

These conversations are not always easy. If you are struggling to know what to say (or what not to say!) Parent Coaching can help! We'll see "contiguous" to talk through these challenges and yous'll receive personalized solutions that work for your unique family. Schedule an date today!

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Source: https://imperfectfamilies.com/childs-negative-self-talk/

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